Cycle of Grief

Many people do not readily understand how traumatic the loss of a pet through death can be. Those who have loved and lost a special animal companion, however, know that the sense of loss is much like that of a child; this was a creature which you nurtured, helped sustain and possibly even to have helped transition out of this world.

It is because of the love that we feel for our pets, and their mutual love for us in return, that true grief may be experienced, sometimes the weight of which is unexpectedly so. Since most pet owners will experience a sense of grief, to one degree or another, it is important to know some of the emotional processes to expect to cycles through yourself, Below lists a before outline of the cycle of grief.

Disbelief/Denial

One should expect to feel a number of emotions following the loss of a pet: numbness, disbelief, as sense that what had happened was not real. Such feelings help us to be able to deal, or at least to begin to deal, with the emotional void left by our loved one's departure. The feeling of disbelief provides comfort as it makes one's sense of reality seem unreal. If unable to deal initially with grief through disbelief, one may simply deny that such an event had happened until able to deal with such a painful reality.

Disbelief and/or denial are both natural components of grief serve to "buy time," until such a time, as one is ready to deal with the reality of their loss. When one's inability to deal with the situation becomes all encompassing, however, the progression of grief and acceptance is impeded.

Anger

After one experiences a loss in life of any magnitude, a plethora of emotions are to be expected; some of these emotions may be familiar, and some may not. One of less familiar feeling to emerge during grief is anger.

Anger is a very powerful emotion that may tale many forms. The focus of one's anger may shift from the recently departed, to one's self and then to others. While one may need to experience feelings of anger, it must be let go of in the end or it will fester and again resurface.

Despair

When one is experiencing a sense of despair, they feel enormously sad. It is at this stage that one begins to fully realize the finality of the loss. The pain felt may not always be right at the surface, but if left unresolved, is there, waiting to be released. If one does not fully experience the sadness of the event, the process of healing is only delayed.

There are many ways to express one's sadness and loss. It may be express through the written word in a diary or letter, verbalized to a friend, composed in a song, and the like.

Despair may deal with other issues than sadness. It may cause one to ask questions for which there are no answers… Will I ever see my special friend again? What does death mean… is it the end??? Having a belief system to fall back on helps with some of these potential questions; alternatively, such questions may spark personal growth by prompting one to find acceptable answers.

Other common, and often secondary emotions experienced during grief include: guilt, fear and anxiety. Because a pet requires constant care requirement, to one degree or another, they are often viewed as child. Feelings of guilt may arise if one questions if they did every thing they could on their pet's behalf.

Anxiety may arise as one thinks about a future without their constant friend. With our pets living increasing longer lives, many of our animal companions have been there, "through the rough times" with us, and it will be scary to have to move on with them. One must, therefore, ultimately deal with the reality of being alone.

While the above serve just a couple pf examples involving key emotions experienced during the grieving process and shed some light on the depth to which one may be affected by the loss of their pet.

A very important step to healing is finding some type of closure to the situation. Performing a ritual of some sort, may serve as good way to say good-bye to your pet- that they are gone but never forgotten.

Confusion/Disorientation

One's sense of reality, that what had been accepted to be true, may be challenged when experiencing grief. Such a realization may lead to confusion and/or disorientation. For example, your role may have changed from that of a caregiver to another, to having to care for one's self. Re-definition of one's self, therefore, may be warranted at the time of a dearly departed's loss.

Clarification

The grieving process may prove to be a time of great personal growth. The death of a pet or some one we love, may force us to reevaluate what and where we are in life. With the help of friends, family and time, one can survive the tremendous variety of emotions one must endure when grieving.

In contemplating the cycle of grief, it is important to, in the end, assimilate out loss and accept it. We may not agree with the outcome, but one much reach some level of acceptance of that which one can not change, so as to proceed with an emotionally healthy existence.

Source:

Beyond Grief: A Guide for Recovering From the Death of a Loved One by Carol Staudacher, 1987, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., Oakland, CA.